Dawnette Hale

Martin Luther King Jr. suggested that “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends" (Staff, 2011).  The words tie to my concerns and purpose as a leader; to be present to my experience and to the experiences of those around me; to be caring and compassion while we struggle and flourish; and to speak and listen to create opportunities to the release the vibrations of oppression, and increase the vibrations of love.  I have found on this journey through studying Organizational Leadership, and Servant-leadership, that silence is the first area I must transform to manifest the relationships that create connection, value, and hold me to my purpose.  Silence leads to listening, and listening leads to speaking.  Each role supports the attainment of wisdom, and of becoming a trusted, and valued member of a community.  I have stepped away from being a problem solver and choose to serve in the role of a community participant – one of many who contributes to creating a positive, loving, and connected space.

​

Silence

​

To me, silence is the time spent releasing the toxins of the day, a time of gratitude, moments of freedom from life’s constraints, and space for letting a troubled mind heal.  Silence is the stillness within the soul, which allows me to take journeys of inspiration.  Silence welcomes magic into my life by opening my mind to new ideas and experiences that drift into my conscious, offering me wiser choices.  The time spends in silence increases my self-awareness and increases my ability to respond, rather than react.  Sardello (2008), book Silence: The mystery of wholeness, offers “through taking up a meditation practice rhythmically, we join ourselves to the larger world and the cosmos” (p. 39).  I appreciate this time in contemplation and connecting to the universal oneness.

​

I ask myself, what do I have to offer as I age and become old?  What do I have to contribute to society in my 70s, 80s, and 90s?  It seems with aging that the physicality reduces, and I need to design a life that is fulfilling through relationships and thoughts.  It seems that developing my mind to explore mystical concepts at a deeper level would be rewarding, and perhaps people will be interested in my thoughts, and I can be part of a thriving community.  Spending time in silence creates peace, supports responding, and may help align me with communities of thought.

​

The more I think about society, the less I want to talk.  The more I learn, the less I want to lead - alone.  These ideas are informed by how society uses leading and talking as a means of controlling others.  I understand that people follow me, and it feels a duty more than a pleasure.  Silence is a relief from creating, adapting, and communicating.  I am grateful for the time spent in silence as it feels peaceful, accepting, and healing.  The demands of society are released, and the essence of life is honored.

​

Listening

​

Listening shows respect for self and others by giving, what is most precious, time to the consideration of others’ ideas and efforts.  When I spend time listening, there may be a release in the stresses for the speaker and transformative moments where they find the solutions for themselves.  Burley-Allen’s (1995), Listening: The forgotten skill, stated that when we offer advice, it suites our values and beliefs, and may not be relevant to others (p. 161).  While listening, I may ask clarifying questions to help someone express the situation in terms that can be understood, and that might help them with their understanding.  By listening, I demonstrate my belief in an individual’s ability to experience great autonomy and develop a unique presence.

​

Listening created within me a decreased desire to solve problems, ease difficulties, and be responsible for the choices that others make.  While many things come around again with time, and it is possible to see concepts from the past that can be useful, it is more important that people consider what is in front of them.  I think it is better to listen, rather than tell someone a solution and reduce their power.  Frick (2011), in Greenleaf and servant-leader listening, shares “think of yourself as an adventurer into the mysteries of the human experiment, and of listening as a key tool” (p. 26).

​

My compassion increased when I considered the tension people experience in challenging situations. I understand how important it is to be heard.  As I listen, my faith increases that people can be known and understand their choices, if allowed time to consider. There is no need to offer solutions and save situations. There is no graciousness and learning when others cannot offer their unique insights, and gain confidence through reaching their conclusion. By listening, I support opportunities for personal development in myself and others, and in being part of a caring and supportive community.

​

Speaking - Dialogue

​

There are times when people suffer, and it is necessary to speak to call attention to inequity, abuse, and oppression; these are the times that it is important to speak.  I have held this as an important value in my life since my childhood.  There are many occasions when I have offered words to seek to change a situation and improve the circumstances for other people.  People look to me to be a voice for their concerns, and to share their messages of pain.  Often after I speak to inequities and hurt on behalf of others in my group; the individuals begin to tell their stories for there is a space.  Once they begin speaking, I shift to listening, as it is especially important that when people are brave that it is noticed and encouraged.

 

It is only recently in my journey that I have understood that I also deserve words to present my view and hold space for my sacredness.  It was interesting to discover that as a woman, I was allowed to speak on behalf of others, but I was not allowed to speak on my behalf.  This idea came from my childhood, socialization, mass media, and the legal inequities I experience daily.  Freire’s (1970), Pedagogy of the oppressed, impressed upon me that the oppressed become oppressors by following the behaviors they have been taught (p. 159).  I feel my voicelessness was an aspect of the oppression.  I was silencing myself because I was not worthy of support.  I have rejected the idea that I cannot advocate for myself, and this change creates sensations of fear and freedom.  I seek to be brave and encourage people when I speak to my experiences and my choices.  I also pay close attention to not silencing voices of dissent.

 

Conclusion

 

In my childhood, I was silenced; now, I seek silence.  For years I was forced to listen to all the people in power tell me what to do; now I listen to people defining their views for themselves.  I have spoken on behalf of many, bravely challenging old ideas and inequitable treatment, and now I also hold that I too am sacred and that I am worth protecting and loving. My leadership philosophy will continue to evolve as new experiences and insights shift and refocus my attention.  I am grateful for my family, friends, and community who love and support me, and I look forward to the adventures ahead.

​

References

​

Burley-Allen, M. (1995). Listening: The forgotten skill. New York: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

Freire, P. (1970). Pedagogy of the oppressed. New York: Bloomsbury Academic.

Frick, D. M. (2011). Greenleaf and Servant-leader listening. Westfield: The Greenleaf Center for Servant Leadership.

Sardello, R. (2008). Silence: The mystery of wholeness. Berkeley: North Atlantic Books.

Brainy Quotes.(2019). Martin Luther King, Jr. quotes. Retrieved from Brainy Quotes. https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/martin_luther_king_jr_103571